The Pagan Blog Project: B is for Beginnings

I’ve had this blog post written for a few weeks but my health has taken a turn more recently so this and the other ‘catch-up’ posts I’ve had in the pipeline have been delayed. Thanks to everyone for bearing with me and I hope to be over the worst soon to keep updating; the writing gives me something to focus on but is a struggle at the moment. Hope everyone enjoys this post.

Today I wanted to talk about beginnings – in particular, my beginnings on the spiritual path I am currently winding my way along.

From my earliest recollection I had a fascination with the natural world and would often loose myself in the ‘magic’ of the forest, parks, streams etc in the local area for hours at a time. I was fortunate enough not to be raised into any religious or spiritual tradition, with my parents both agreeing to allow me to follow my own way once I was old enough to understand – to the point where I wasn’t even christened.

At school I did love to sing hymns (often the more ‘pagany’ ones such as Lord of the Dance) and in Religious Education I enjoyed learning about the world religions – though the slant towards 70% Christianity over 30% all other religions didn’t seem right. It was also during this time that parallel to my interest in religion, my passion for ancient history grew also; ancient Greece, Egypt, Vikings, Aztecs – I was fascinated by rich, vibrant times past, especially in the deities and beliefs of these ‘lost’ civilizations.

Heading into my teens I became more actively aware of a desire to find ‘answers’, to follow an – as of then – uncertain calling. I read more into a wide range of options. I went to church a few times, read about Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism and others but nothing seemed right, nothing ‘clicked’ into place.

As I headed towards my fifteenth birthday, I finally found my footing on the path that’s meandered its way to where I am today. Together with a very close friend we found our way to Wicca where we both progressed together but in slightly different, yet parallel, directions. For me, my foundations as a solitary practitioner paved the way through to about 2003/4.

After Samhain 2003 I started to consider the nature of deity and the prospect of patron/matrons. I had had trouble with the whole ‘all god/desses are one God/dess’ concept, as well as the maiden-mother-crone archetype and so I worked up to a sunny, lazy Sunday afternoon where I went on a guided meditation to explore the prospect of a matron and/or patron deity.

In the meditation, I discovered a small Grecian-style temple on the top of a grassy hill and inside, amidst rich tapestries and flaming torches I found a glorious picture of a magnificent and mature woman in fine ancient robes, chestnut hair and deep green eyes. She revealed Her name to be “Ceres”. I felt a compulsion to find out all I could about her.

The name was completely unfamiliar to me at the time and naturally, I began my search online and within the neo-pagan communities I related to. I found out that Ceres was the name given to Demeter’s Roman counterpart. At the time I tried focusing directly on Ceres, but the information was limited (outside of Barbette Stanley Spaeth’s “The Roman Goddess Ceres” – a marvellous book by the way) and continually brought me back to the more widely available information about Demeter.

But the information I turned up seemed “flat” and inconclusive and on too many occasions did I keep stumbling upon the Wiccan archetype of Maiden, Mother & Crone. I mused for days on end, attempting to incorporate Demeter into my worship, but something didn’t feel “right”. I spent many hours trawling the Internet and pouring over books and while searching for more info and pictures on the Internet I stumbled across a site on Hellenismos and something “clicked”.

Hellenismos, or Hellenic Polytheism, is an attempt to revive and re-create the religion of Ancient Greece with adaptation to fit our modern, everyday lives and still retain meaning in that setting. Beliefs and practices are based on a multitude of rich and vibrant sources from the works of Homer and Hesiod to archaeological evidence and historical theory.

From that moment on it was as if Demeter had suddenly pulled back a curtain behind which stood all the other Gods, as if to say “surprise, we were here the whole time!”

After her “revelation”, Demeter stepped back as if to hand me over to the other Gods and since then, I have immersed myself in finding out all I can in honouring these most ancient and sacred deities. The more I have discovered, the more things have made sense. I have changed my religious practice much over a short time and yet nothing about the changes have felt wrong or forced.

In the relatively short time since immersing myself into the Hellenic Pagan community, I have watched it grow rapidly, bringing in new faces and interested parties the world over. New websites have popped up and devotees to the various Gods and Goddesses are open and free in the sharing of their knowledge and experience.

Whilst I don’t class myself as a staunch recon, I am all for paying due honours to the Gods in my life and learning from the past to advance into the future. Dionysos, Hekate, Aphrodite, Pan and Prometheus are just a few of the wondrous and potent beings that have entered my life – some staying longer than others, a few still near and dear.

It’s fascinating to look back at where I’ve come from. To remember my first steps down an uncertain path, defending my beliefs – though ever evolving – to those who doubted or belittled them; making friends and learning all the time, my first explorations of magic and ritual, such as the time I thought it would be a wonderful idea to cast a circle marked out with tealights (that I didn’t have holders for, so placed the little foils directly on the floor) only to have them melt into the carpet and my first spell which couldn’t have worked any faster or more accurately without divine assistance! And there is just so much more.

The end destination is always in sight, though forever moving ahead and it pays to never forget where we have come from.

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3 comments on “The Pagan Blog Project: B is for Beginnings

  1. hynafol says:

    wonderful and thanks for sharing your journey~! Fantastic post 😀

  2. Polly says:

    Brilliant! You have such a talent for writing! I, too, have struggled with the concept of Deity(ies) ~ perhaps my early experiences with a demanding, hard-to-please Christian God who has wiped out what he views as “mistakes” have placed a barrier for me.

    On occasion, Hecate and Hera have come to me in my dreams. Not knowing who they were, I woke up and had to look up the names on the Internet, only to find the timing of their “visits” were perfect for things I was going through at the time.

    I look forward to further communion and bonding with the Gods and Goddesses.

    I’m pleased to have found you and your blog through the Pagan Blog Project. Well done!

  3. Dean Dirge says:

    Sorry you’re not feeling well! It’s great to have you posting!

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